What It's Like to Be Heartbroken in Quarantine

It's been about 3 months since my ex broke up with me and I can hardly say it has gotten any easier. My birthday is in two days and I have never felt so lonely. I'm not the type to go crazy and party or find a rebound when I go through a breakup, but not being able to see anyone at all definitely puts a damper on my ability to move on. I've never been someone to use dating apps, and I wasn't going to start either. (No disrespect to anyone who uses/has used them, but I am a strong believer in signs and my hopeless romantic self wants to stumble upon my person in a more natural way.) It just feels like being trapped in one never-ending day. There's nothing to look forward to at all now that it's summer and restrictions are still in place.

Of course, time is essential to getting over heartbreak, but it's especially difficult when there's literally nothing to do. I'm not saying that you should go out and always be busy because we all know what happens when you suppress your feelings for too long...That being said, it's good to have things to do so you're not constantly thinking about your ex and replaying things in your head over and over. Time feels so unreal when you're at home all day long that it hardly feels like three months have passed. I remembe when I looked at my phone and saw one week had passed...then two...then a whole month.

The week everyone went home, I started working out in my room a couple of days a week. Just a week and a half later, I was dumped. To prove to myself that I wouldn't let this breakup ruin my life, I was determined to continue doing so. I grew a love for exercising daily and had been working out consistently for the first time in my life. Since quarantine started, I succumbed to TikTok, but I eventually used it to watch videos on proper weightlifting instead of just doom-scrolling. I started going on runs every single day and following those up with resistance band workouts, thanks to the famous (or infamous?) Chloe Ting. Eventually, when things felt safer, I wanted to feel comfortable in a gym, but I wanted to be prepared. I had only done some weight training last year with my frisbee team and we had a private room, so I never had to worry about looking lost.

There's probably nothing worse than being stuck in your home all day. This problem is magnified by having just an empty apartment (all my roommates went home). The reasons I decided to stay are 1. because my parents and I don't live well together and 2. my mom is a medical doctor, so I wouldn't want to put her at greater risk when I leave to get groceries or take a walk. The day we broke up, I actually ended up going home for 2 whole weeks just to be taken care of. I knew I would barely be able to get out of bed, let alone make meals for myself. I somehow continued to exercise every day, but that was the most I moved every 24 hours. I wanted to play Animal Crossing, but it just reminded me of him too much that I couldn't even bring myself to turn the switch on.

Once the 2-week period had ended and I got sick of being at my parents' place, I returned to my apartment. It was the right thing to do for myself, even if it meant I would have to work harder to maintain my well-being. Now that I'm typing this out, I'm realizing that I left because I needed to push myself to return to normalcy.

I started going on night runs as it got hotter because mornings became too humid and gross. The track also got more crowded as things started opening up. The only downside to nighttime running was the cockroaches I always saw while passing through the campus. I never felt unsafe, which was a nice change, and it was the perfect temperature. I had never been someone who ran for "fun," but I was always fairly fast. I thought this would be a nice way to boost my mood and strengthen my endurance while waiting for sports to become available again.

As it turns out, exercising was still only a temporary fix. When I return to my empty apartment and get ready to shower, I put on my sad music and dwell for a while. Sometimes a good show can cheer me up enough to feel less miserable, but I usually get bored and go on my phone long enough for the episode to become background noise. I guess this is just going to be how it is for a while.